When all you know is it’s Not This

Have you ever had that feeling where you know that something’s not quite right, but you don’t know what to do about it? Or rather, you know you’re not 100% happy with how things are, but you don’t know what “better” looks like?

Do you ever wish that something was different, but don’t do anything about it because you don’t know where to start, and convince yourself that perhaps it’s a case of “better the devil you know”?

I hear you.

So often we think we have to know the next step in order to feel safe enough to take it. Or we push on with something that doesn’t feel quite right, because we can’t see a better alternative.

I hear you, because I have been there. Many times!

This blog has been inspired by two things. The first is a post that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a few years back that my mentor recently shared with me. I’ll post a link to it below, but the gist of it was that sometimes you don’t know what it is you want, you just know that it’s Not This.

The second is a recent personal and business experience which I’m sure some business coaches would warn against me sharing! But, because authenticity is a core value for me, and because I think there’s a beautiful lesson for all of us here, I’m going to share it anyway.

Here’s the thing. I’m super excited to be developing a series of one day retreats called “In Your Element” and a two night retreat to coincide with the summer solstice. The details of these are for another post, but let’s just say they are going to be soulful, wild and spacious.

The retreats are going to be based in my yurt – a beautiful Mongolian Ger – and are the culmination of several years of exploring, creating and developing my offerings. All was set, and I just needed to sort the practicalities of getting the yurt up in the location I’d secured.

But I hesitated. I held back. Something was stopping me going all out, stopping me telling you about the retreats and getting in the way of starting to take bookings, but I couldn’t work out what it was.

Then, with the help of my fabulously intuitive business coach Kate, I realised what it was.

It was Not This.

Or rather, Not There.

I actually cried. I couldn’t ignore it any longer – the venue I had chosen just wasn’t right. That’s why I couldn’t get into the energy and flow of putting the retreats out there for you.

What could I do? I saw I had two options.

Go ahead, push through, make it work for this year and find somewhere different for next year. Or take a deep breath and change my mind. Press stop. Have a rethink.

My first instinct was to push through. Nobody would know it wasn’t the location I secretly wanted it to be. I could make it work for this year, and look for something more suitable next year. I could keep going, make sure the events happened, even if they weren’t “perfect”.

A little voice in my ear kept telling me “you can’t afford to wait”, “you can’t afford to risk not running these events”, “you can’t afford to look silly for changing your mind”.

But when I stopped and tuned into a different voice, a softer, more gentle, yet still urgent, voice, the voice of my soul, I knew there was no other way. How can I stand up and teach people to tune into their dreams, their inner voice, their life force, if I choose to ignore my own? How can I inspire people to choose love over fear, trust over “should dos”, if I don’t take the scary yet truth-full decisions myself?

And so, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve pressed pause, if not stop. I’m still planning on running my retreats, this year, but I’m searching for a new base to run them from, a new home for my yurt. I know the right venue is out there and I know in my heart it’s right to wait until it appears. And my retreats are going to be all the more magical for it!

So how does this apply to you? Well, it’s simple, and yet not necessarily easy, but here’s a start:

  • Learn to tune in to your own inner voice.
  • Listen to the “Not This”, even if it’s scary.
  • Understand that you don’t necessarily need to know what the next step is. Sometimes it’s enough for now just to know that it’s not the one you were about to take.
  • It’s ok to press pause, if it doesn’t feel right.
  • Find someone who can help you explore what DOES feel right.
  • Trust that if you listen, it will all come right in the end. It might not come out how you expected it to, but it WILL come out all right. Or even better!

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore your own “Not This”, come and have a chat. You can book a free discovery session with me here:


It’s my mission to help professional women thrive, by playfully and gently holding a safe space to explore what really makes you come alive.

One of my clients, Karen, who since working with me has reduced her hours at work and started her own dream business, said:

“I decided to work with Jen because I knew I had stuff to look at. Life was ok, but not brilliant. I was feeling unfulfilled and thinking there must be more to life than this. I was living the life other people wanted for me, not the life I wanted for myself!

Working with Jen gave me a sounding board. Feeling safe, with space, nurturing support and the occasional nudge, helped me realise I was wrapped up in feelings, fear and emotion, rather than focusing on what I wanted. Jen’s reflections and encouragement gave me the momentum I needed to make important decisions. I wouldn’t have got to where I am now without it – I wouldn’t have had the courage.

Life now is still scary sometimes but more exciting! Things have moved on a lot for me since working with Jen – there are lots of opportunities and more hope, and life is more interesting. I’m listening to my inner voice, I have more confidence to do things in spite of what other people think, and challenge isn’t so scary.”

If you’d like to learn more about how I could help you, book your free discovery call here: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=15895141&appointmentType=6848755

With love and intuition,

Jen xx

And if you want to read the awesome Elizabeth Gilbert post that inspired me, you can find it here:

NOT THIS: Back by popular demand!(Sweet friends, for some mysterious reason that I still can't figure out, the…

Posted by Elizabeth Gilbert on Tuesday, April 12, 2016

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