Completion vs closure: an ongoing transformation
Completion. It’s such a final word, isn’t it? In the context of selling a house, which is how it has come to me today (yes, we have finally had the good news!), it wraps it up pretty nicely. The house sale is complete, it’s over, it’s finished. But for me, this “completion” is about so much more than just a house sale. It’s closure on a whole part of my life – not even just the last two and a half years since my relationship ended, but the five years before that.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. Such a long time that I realise it has become part of my life, part of my story – to the extent that I almost feel I need to grieve as much as celebrate. Because although at times it has been painful, although it has been draining both financially and energetically, it has also been an incredible period of growth, of transformation, of self-discovery. There have been times when I have felt lower, more hopeless, than I have ever felt in my life. There have been times when I’ve felt freer, more true to myself, than I have ever felt in my life. I’ve had to deal with guilt, with judgement, with shame, with hope, with pride, with love, with joy. With exhaustion, with happiness, with fear, with disappointment, with uncertainty.
I look at my life now and I feel truly blessed. In moments of joy, it’s hard to remember some of the pain I went through to get here. In moments of pain, of doubt, of uncertainty, it’s hard to remember that I’ve been through and survived those moments before, and that it’s those moments that have made me stronger. It’s those moments where the magic happens. The butterfly emerging from the chrysalis, the phoenix rising from the ashes, the oak tree bursting into leaf again after a long, hard winter. Magical moments, from the deepest of places.
And so, I’m not sure I like the word completion. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s that nothing is permanent, least of all our transformation. “Life is a journey” is a cliche for a reason. This particular completion is certainly closure for me, but it’s just one part of my ongoing journey. Yes, I will stop and mark it, of course I will. It’s important to! It’s a massive milestone, and a beautiful opportunity to stop, look back, and realise how far I’ve come. To celebrate my courage, my resilience, my belief. My dedication and commitment to get me to where I am now. And to give gratitude for everything and everybody who has helped me get to this point and continues to help me, as I certainly couldn’t have done it on my own.
But the journey continues. The transformations don’t stop here.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds, and sometimes that’s scary. But as the wise Kate Wolf once said; “sometimes there’s beauty in the not-knowing”. Yes, I have a vision, but I know it’s not going to happen all at once. I don’t even know how it’s going to happen at all. But if you’d told me two and a half years ago I’d be where I am now, I wouldn’t have believed you. Sometimes all we can do is take the next step. And the next step. And the next one. Trusting that the path will unfold, even if it’s just one step at a time. Sometimes you can do bits alone, sometimes you need a guide. Sometimes you want to sit down and cry, sometimes you want to dance on up ahead. Sometimes the path is misty, or blocked, or diverted and sometimes you can see the way forward so clearly it almost hurts!
But I encourage you, keep stepping. Keep believing. Keep checking in with what really matters to you. Pause, look up, look around, check your bearings. Go slower sometimes, hibernate even, if you need to, but keep going. You’re doing great.