What to do when executive overwhelm hits
I stood in the middle of the kitchen, tears streaming down my face. Nothing was obviously wrong; I just couldn’t make a simple decision.
It had been a promising start to the day, with a long but motivating to do list, and I was excited to get cracking on work I loved. But nope. It just wasn’t meant to be. As the tears came out of nowhere, I realised I’d hit executive function overwhelm.
Have you ever felt like that? When you Just. Can’t.
It caught me somewhat by surprise this day. I’d had a lovely day off the day before, after a lovely evening out with my dad the day before that, and I was full of beans – or so I thought. But tracking back over the last few days and weeks, it actually made total sense.
I’d been away from home five times in four weeks. I’d had a huge few weeks in my business: writing and submitting a book proposal, being offered a publishing deal, taking part in a book-writing bootcamp and creating and launching a new online programme, alongside my usual business activities, working 1-1 with clients and gearing up for the start of my in-the-wild season. I did three speaking gigs and one live online workshop in the space of two weeks. There has been a lot of big thinking about my business and my book, as well as detailed diary wrangling, both of which tend to fry my neurospicy brain. It’s still winter, a time to go gently, even with the stirring of in energy with Imbolc at the beginning of February. I consciously but foolishly pushed through my period, as I didn’t have my usual pre-bleed slump/emotional meltdown. Plus I went ballroom dancing and horse riding, two activities I love but don’t do all that often, which left me aching in new places, AND I didn’t sleep well the night before.
I don’t tell you all this to claim a badge of honour. I recount it all because NO WONDER I hit executive function meltdown that morning!
In fact, if I’d stopped to think about it, I could have told you it was coming.
The thing is, it’s all too easy to beat ourselves up when we hit the proverbial wall and our bodies or brains shut down with a "Computer Says No" error message. It’s the time our pesky (and often downright vicious) Inner Critic comes out in force, triumphantly declaring our incompetence/inadequacy/lack of resilience/not-good-enough-ness with a loud "I told you so", and we can feel like packing it (our businesses/career/relationship/diet/project) all in and hiding under the duvet for the foreseeable. Or we lash out at our nearest and dearest in anger and frustration, or we comfort/numb ourselves with junk food/Netflix/alcohol/social media scrolling. Or a combination of all of it, and then beat ourselves up about that too!
The good news is, hitting the proverbial wall doesn’t need to mean Game Over, and moments like this can in fact be useful, powerful warning signs which can help us avoid burnout and breakdown further down the line.
How? By noticing them for what they are, catching them before we spiral too far, and being kind to ourselves. Here’s a helpful five step process to support yourself when you find yourself hitting overwhelm or executive dysfunction:
1. REST
The first step is to STOP. Stop what you’re doing, and step away for a moment. Take a deep breath and bring compassion and acceptance to yourself in this moment. You’ve hit a wall, and right now, there’s nothing you can do to change that, no matter how important your to-do list. Criticising yourself is not going to serve any purpose other than make you feel miserable in this moment, so bring yourself the same love and care you’d offer an overtired child. Take a deep breath, and wrap yourself in a big hug (seriously, hugging yourself works. Close your eyes, wrap your arms around yourself tightly, and feel your hug. Stroking your arms from the shoulders down – a process called Havening - works well too.)
2. REFLECT
Reflect back over the past few hours/days/weeks, and notice the events, situations and physical/emotion cues that led to this point. Again, not to beat yourself up with, but simply to bring compassion and understand to why you are feeling this way right now. Going forwards, this reflection can help you gain awareness of the patterns and recognise the symptoms of an impending meltdown, even if this only happens in hindsight at first. Awareness is power.
3. REPRIORITISE
Lower your expectations and reprioritise. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to continue working at the pace you were, so lower your expectations about what it’s possible to achieve today and set yourself up to win. If you’re really physically or emotionally exhausted, you may just need to sleep. I’m a big fan of a mid-day nap when I can! But if you can’t nap, or you’re not physically exhausted just mentally frazzled, take a look at your to do list and cross off (or move to a list for another day) anything that isn’t absolutely urgent to do for today (be strict – often there’s not actually a lot that is absolutely urgent, and when you’re rested you will have far more energy to efficiently tackle everything else another day).
4. RESET
Reset your pace. Take some deep breaths and tune in to what your body and brain feel capable of. Do you need to go slow and steady, or do you really need a quick Warrioress blitz to get something done? Try playing some music to suit the pace: some relaxing but focused chillout music ( I love a bit of Einaudi, and a friend has just recommended "This is Alaskan Tapes" which I'm also loving) if you need calm focus, or a good dance-it-out track if you need a blitz (right now I'm loving Alessia Cara "Wild Things" or Sia "Unstoppable").
Start with the most important or urgent task, and work through the list gently – with lots of cups of tea in between! The good news is you may find that simply by gaining some clarity and taking off the pressure, combined with the momentum of ticking off a few urgent tasks, you may actually achieve more than you expected! (Like me when this happened, I hadn’t expected to get around to writing the majority of this blog, but once I took the pressure off and lowered my expectations, here it is after all!).
5. REWARD/REPLENISH
Know that if you achieve anything from this place, you've done great. If you didn't "achieve" anything, but you've looked after yourself, you've done great. Know that your nervous system is probably somewhat frazzled, so do something nice once you've got to the end of the absolute must-dos. Maybe a walk in the fresh air, a self-massage, a soak in the bath or a wholesome meal. Whatever you do, make sure it's something nourishing, soothing and replenishing.
Finally, remember:
You aren’t meant to do it all.
You aren’t meant to do it all at once.
You aren’t meant to do it all alone.
Be kind to yourself. And if you want any help with any of this, you know where I am. Feel to reach out to explore ways I could support you.