The art of letting go
I’ve been thinking a lot about surrender and letting go this week. Ever since I trained in the work I do now - and it’s a continual, ongoing journey - I’ve been a big believer in the magic of surrendering. It’s not easy. Time and time again the fear creeps in; the resistance, the holding-on-tightly. But every time I fight, grasp, or worry about the future, life gets harder. Every time I breathe, trust and let go, magic happens. My business grows. New, perfect clients appear out of nowhere. Ideas and opportunities arrive like buses.
Every. Single. Time.
We tend to fight it, don’t we, surrender? The word has negative, fearful, weak connotations. I believe it’s because we tend to equate surrender with someone or something having power over us, with being out of control, giving in. We feel we have to push through, put a brave face on at all times, be the best at everything, be seen to not need anybody.
But what if instead of viewing surrender as surrendering our power, what if surrender became the very source of our power? What if we viewed surrender as (and forgive me for the awful cliche here) going with the flow. Not fighting what wants to be. Not fighting what has been. Trusting life, and trusting that everything comes in its own time. We wouldn’t force an apple tree to bear fruit in winter, right? Or a stream to flow uphill?
When we fight surrender and hold on to whatever it is we are struggling to let go of - whether that’s emotions, old hurts, expectations, fears for the future, particular outcomes that we desire - we waste an inordinate amount of energy fighting things that are outside of our control and/or no longer serve us. And when we only have limited amount of energy, energy spent resisting letting go is energy we can’t then use to create the good stuff!
When we free up that energy by learning to let go, we find more creativity, we are more fully self-expressed, we can be more confident and vibrant and yes, I believe that magic starts to happen!
Last week I was challenged by my two business coaches/mentors to do a release process every single day. It’s a process I use with my own clients and I know how powerful it is but I’m not going to lie, I groaned a little. “But I don’t feel I have that much to let go of right now”. “I’ve done this process hundreds of times already”. “I’ve got a really full week...this is an extra 30 minutes a day I could really do with not having to fit in!”
All the excuses. All the resistance. Thankfully I know enough about how I work now to know that when the resistance shows up, it’s a sign I need to do the very thing I’m resisting (which is different to knowing in my heart that something’s not right - more on that another time). Also, the power of accountability (and the benefit of at times being a bit of a teacher’s pet!) meant that having promised that I’d do it, I found a way to prioritise it.
So, every single day for the last week, I’ve done my release process.
And, the magic has happened. My three day retreat has almost sold out and I may need to start a waitlist. I’ve had more enquiries about 1-1 coaching in one week than I think I’ve ever had before in a single week (to the extent that I may soon have to temporarily close my diary to new clients!) and I have had some incredible Reconnection Calls with women who beautifully fit my ideal client description and who will be an absolute joy to work with.
Money has randomly appeared from sources I wasn’t expecting. I have created new content that feels aligned and beautiful with ease. There is an energy in my posts that people have felt called to share, and so my social media content has had more engagement than ever. I've had numerous compliments about my vibrancy, my Queenliness and my approach. I have been running three times, I have felt alive and energised and frequently erupt into joyful laughter and a dance around the room.
The only thing that has changed between this week and last week (other than being mid-cycle which definitely does help too) is that I have a) decided to take a week off next week and b) been doing my daily release processes.
The lightness that comes with letting go is delightful. It’s energising. It’s liberating. It's magical!
We carry so much around with us that we do not need to carry. I did a live into my Facebook group (Wildfulness for Women) earlier this week about this. Often what we are carrying does not belong to us. We carry the weight of other people's expectations, fear, grief, anger, disappointment, judgement. Or, it belongs to the past - anger, resentment, grief, shame or a sticky limiting belief (e.g. "I'm not good enough"). Or, the uncertain future - to do lists, worries about what might happen, fears of 'what will people think?'.
So how can you not carry all this around with you? How can you let it go and allow more lightness in? Here is an exercise to try:
Journal. The first step is getting awareness of what you are carrying. You might be surprised at how much there is, especially if you've never done this exercise before. Take yourself someplace quiet with paper and pen and answer the following questions - allowing yourself a good 30 minutes if possible (the real insights will come towards the end of the time). Don't overthink your answers, don't judge what you are writing, just write.
What am I carrying?
Is it mine? If not, whose is it?
What does part of me worry would happen if I stopped carrying it?
How would I feel if I didn't have to carry it any more?
If I could let it go, what might be possible then?
Let it go. Depending on how "sticky" the emotion or belief is, sometimes just an awareness of its existence is enough to loosen its hold. You can simply imagine letting it go like releasing a balloon to the sky. For stickier stuff, the following might help:
Having a good old cry (put those weepy tunes on), a good angry dance or a pillow thump is great for releasing strong emotions such as anger, grief and guilt that may come up.
More journaling! Journaling isn't just great for bringing awareness, it's great for helping you to be your own coach. A mental offloading of whatever is on your mind. A colleague once described it as a "shower for the brain!"
Do something ritualistic, like writing down on paper what you no longer wish to carry and burning or burying it.
If you're a client of mine (or have it through One of many), do the PowerType Release Process meditation. this is good for emotions, limiting beliefs and pretty much anything that's holding you back! Do it as many times as you need to!
If you're struggling. Reach out for a chat. Learning to let go and surrender and trust life is (as you've probably gathered by now), one of my specialities! Sometimes the really sticky beliefs and emotions we have been carrying around with us for a while need a little extra help to budge. It might be a coach, it might be you need some other professional support. Reach out and I can point you in the right direction.
So there you are lovely one. The art of letting go. It's not easy, but it is magical. Do please give the exercise above a go. You might be surprised at the results!
If you'd like to dig into this more, the themes of both my one day and three day wildfulness retreats are going to be around letting go. It's so important, now of all times. If you want to know more about those, you can take a look here.
And of course, as always, if you feel you'd like more support or guidance in this area, please do book in for a free Reconnection call. I'd love to support you to find a lighter, more joyful you!
You can book your Reconnection call here.
Here's to letting go!
"Before today I was struggling to allow myself to feel however during the day I loosened the knot and let my feelings begin to flow. I'm now looking forward to releasing my past 'damage' and moving on with a lighter load."
Attendee at a previous Wildfulness Retreat